Personal Style in the Age of Aesthetics

*Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me, I think they’re ok

Summer, as it makes its grand entrance in the ethereal month of June, always promises to be a time of carefree ethereal pleasures- sunshine, sunscreen, and easy breezy fashion. But for me, when August finally appears on the horizon, it becomes fraught with …… Fashion Panic.  That terrifying moment when you look at your closet and realize that you have “nothing to wear”. 

And that a simple sundress will simply never do.

Because almost every August since I was a teenager, my family has chosen to “summer” in Upstate NY. Specifically, Saratoga Springs NY, to attend the fabled Whitney Invitational, an event that is the “quiet luxury” version of the Kentucky Derby. 

Haven’t heard of it? That’s most likely by design, as the Whitneys, DuPonts, Rockefellers, and the celebrities that frequent Historic Saratoga Race Course and Historic Downtown, historically wish to keep a low profile, and maintain a true air of exclusivity.

Saratoga Springs is where the Upper East Side meets the Hamptons meets Martha’s Vineyard. Saratoga Augusts are a month-long soft-spoken parade of world-class thorough- bred horse racing, sunset lawn parties, and of course, high fashion. 

And as almost always, the girls aren’t dressing for the boys. They are dressing to impress and outshine the other girls, or maybe even have your picture taken for the famed Saratoga Living Magazine style section. 

And if you’re not in the know or in the money, you may as well not show up on the runways that are Downtown Broadway or the Race Course Grandstand.

And here is where I would enter the picture….In the know? Perhaps.

I have for a long time understood the elevated and elite aesthetic that exemplifies a Saratoga August.  But I have also long been aware, that in terms of social standing, that I am General Admission, not the rarefied air of the Clubhouse. 

And I certainly was not nor am not, in the money to compete in the real horse race.

If they don’t give me proper credit, I just walk away

If you’ve ever seen the movie Pretty in Pink, you would have a pretty good idea of what life in high school was like for me. I grew up in an affluent zip code, with not enough family finances to afford the affluent dress code. My classmates wore designer clothes in a time period where it was not only supremely important to do so, but where it was absolute social currency. The United Colors of Benetton sweaters, Guess? jeans, Esprit sweatshirts, and Reebok kicks ruled the school and the fashion runway that was the school hallways.

I lived my school days in Forenza sweaters, Gitano jeans, Toughskin sweatshirts, and LA Gear sneakers. Never heard of those brands? Neither did most of my classmates, even back then; and honestly those labels were on my most fashionable days of the year. Most of the time, I repeated outfits or hand-me-downs from my friend’s closets. But I was never handed any Brooke Shields-cool Calvin Klines.

They can beg and they can plead but they can’t see the light…

But if you think I’m lamenting my sartorial past, on the contrary. Not having the funds to fuel a brand-filled fashion wardrobe forced me into developing a strong instinct for what style would look like for me. Inspired by Molly Ringwald in the 1980s, and soon after the stylings of Bridget Fonda in 1991's Singles-the fictional chronicle of a new decade’s epicenter of fashion cool, Seattle- I forged my way through the newly emerging alt fashion landscape with the knowledge that I had earned a style all on my own, rather than bought one with a brand label.

Before you think I’m trashing all girls that wear labels however, I will stop you there. I remember one classmate who had a different $$$ Benetton sweater for each day of the month, and Calvins for each day of the week, and she to this day remains one of the most fashionable girls I’ve ever met IRL, and high school was long ago. 

But in my estimation, then and now, a superfluous flow of money sometimes translates into an inverse relationship with finding a “personal style”, and finding full expression your true fashion voice even more difficult.

I have a special place in my heart for Paris Hilton, but as a fashion muse?? I'm already seeing it, but Please don't bring back Y2K style; I realize that article is all about finding what You truly love, but I'm allowed one veto! Trust me, you will thank me in five years for the unsolicited advice!

Madonna famously sang about being a Material Girl on her groundbreaking 1984 sophomore album. She sang it ironically of course, as the girl who came from almost nothing, but had such an incredibly strong fashion voice  that she invented an entire new vernacular of style in the 80s, and influenced literally millions of girls who got up and got dressed in the morning, myself included.

Of course we could copy her all day, and we would never look as amazing as the Material Girl herself.

And fast-forward 40 years later (how?! lol), I now find myself exactly one week before my trip Upstate. And I realize that I had the antidote to my Fashion Panic in front of me all along.

‘Cause the [girl] with the cold hard cash is always [Mrs.] Right

A couple of days ago, I had lunch with a group of longtime dear friends. One of whom is always fashionably late. Always for good reason, as she is one of the most kind and giving people on the planet. And an amazing wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, teacher- all the things- to boot.

But when I say fashionably late? Wow do I mean it. As my school bestie for 15 years, I would wait at my desk in the morning for her to arrive to our building. Usually 15 minutes later than I, but Always looking Way too cool for school. She was into athleisure wear a good 10 years before it was a trend, and she always made it for own instead of the current crop of Lulu/Rhode “Clean Girl” clones- with vintage Adidas paired with New Balance kicks (again, well before they were “on trend”), topped off with a real Lizzo tour t-shirt and a cool jean jacket. 

She was frequently given a hard time by some of our admin and colleagues, both directly and indirectly, for her sartorial choices, but again in her “too-cool-for-school” fashion, she refused to let them dim her fashion light.

And conversely, when she wanted to dress up, she could stop traffic. But almost every piece she owned, whether Sporty or Posh Spice-inspired?? From a thrift shop. 

I am almost 100% sure MacKlemore’s 2012 anthem was written about her.

And two days ago? She is still bringing it, sitting down to eat with us 30 minutes late in a thrifted pair of denim bermuda shorts, breezy soft red and white striped short sleeved button down, and her bag?? The show stopper in distressed light tan leather, immaculate hardware- that she said she paid exactly $1 for. 

Absolute Slay.

Cause we are living in a material world

I told her about my Fashion Panic that was a week away, and that I was still in a clothing tailspin trying to fit in with the vibe of Saratoga[quiet luxury? Scandi summer? Messy chic?? Please Help!!!] 

And she said that she got it, as she is from NYC, and is herself traveling to the Finger Lakes in August. Same type of fashion crowd, and she has been thrifting (with her flawless eye and fashion instincts) for weeks. 

Marilyn Monroe was once told that she wouldn’t be beautiful without her clothes as her facade. To prove they were dead wrong, she modeled a literal potato sack. Needless to say, everyone who thought or wrote that the clothes were her source of beauty ate their words.

Go and watch the “Material Girl” video- Madonna plays Marilyn singing “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend” in the movies, and plays herself off the movie set. While Madonna looked fabulous as Marlyn, she looked so much more so, as herself.

 No doubt Madonna was making the very same point as Marilyn did, all those years ago.

Then as always, it’s the woman that makes the clothes. Never the other way around.

And sitting there looking at my friend's amazing fashion choices, I was struck by the fact that  the reason she is beautiful is not because she picked the right bag (for a $1 though? My mind is still blown).  I’ve always known that she is beautiful because no matter what bag she chooses, that her true self has no choice but to shine through. 

And there it was. When she has such an amazing sense of style of her own, why would she go and try to compete in an entirely different game then the one she was playing? 

But the better question is, why was I trying to do the same??

Especially now, in this particular moment in fashion history, where finding a sense of personal style is more difficult than ever before. Algorithms, fast fashion, micro-trends, and "aesthetics" have us all chasing a personal style horizon that never arrives. And what is fashion, clothes, if not one of the most immediate and pure modicums of self-expression that we have. Minimize it all you would like, but it’s the voice that announces our arrival and gives a glimpse into our hearts, before we utter ever a word.

As I shift through my closet and the endless YouTube videos announcing the new trend of the literal week in aesthetics, I realize that I desperately need to find my own voice again. Not the girl that tried to copy the girls in Guess? with my Gitanos, or who wore lace gloves and sunglasses and danced to “Lucky Star”, or wore crazy neon socks and pumps like Madonna did in “Borderline” (all I can say is, thank goodness there was no social media in my era lol). But the one who marched to the beat of her own fashion drum, even when another song was playing on the boom box at the party.

And what better place to find that voice, than August in Upstate New York.

And I am a Material Girl

I am returning to this space after a year's absence, because I felt that I had nothing of consequence to say, to cut through the noise of social media. The absolute ubiquitous force of the “Influencer” effectively silenced me, but also ultimately allowed me to quietly clarify what I wanted my voice in this space to be. 

I realized didn't want to be one more voice in the din of confusion, dictating which mascara you should use. I wanted to not only give my audience infinitely more, I wanted to speak to the woman who truly cared more about inner beauty than outer.

Because honestly, inner beauty is always what shines through on the outside. Again, as with clothing, it truly doesn’t work the other way around.

And I also set out to be a voice for the girl who wants to swim against the trends, and learn to listen to their own inner voice. And who more importantly, knew that the right brand of lipstick or a jacket wasn’t going to change their life. 

It was the girl who wore them all along, listening and tuning in and expressing who she truly was and is- in fashion, in beauty, and in every aspect of life beyond.

My favorite fashion muse, German actress Anita Pallenburg, was romantically linked to not one but to two members of the Rolling Stones (a scandal to which I do not aspire!). She no doubt left her sartorial and celestial mark on their art, and is almost certainly the inspiration for their most beautiful song in my estimation, “She’s a Rainbow”. If you’ve never heard it, go and have a listen , because it’s all about YOU- when you close your eyes and listen, to the beauty that emerges when you tune in to who you truly are within.

If they can’t raise my interest then I have to let them be

With all of that being said (forgive me, it’s been a year and I've had a Lot to say!).....

I will be documenting my sartorial journey in Saratoga in my stories, beginning on August 8th. I will be dressing with three guidelines in mind. 

1. Dressing for my own life, in Saratoga and what fits beyond, 

2. Dressing in my preferred aesthetic(s)- While I love Audrey with every single cell in my body, I’ve always been more Kate Moss-Rock and Roll than Hepburn Givenchy-Elegant, and 

3. And dressing for my values, which have been, and always will be, sustainability, affordability, and individuality. 

I promise to faithfully chronicle how that goes in the land of beautiful modern day Graces and Audreys. I do hope to document some of these stylings as well in my stories, because Saratoga style is truly unmatched in grace and beauty.

But as for me, Grace Kelly will I never be.

But I get to have my own style icons living their real lives right beside me and inspiring me in every way; both on and off the concrete runway. 

Some [girls] try and some [girls] lie, but I don’t let them play…

I’d rather be my uber-vintage-stylish, beautiful bestie with her handbag that crushes any LV bag any day of the week, rocking every look as cool and strikingly as Madonna in the 80s.

Who treats everyone she meets with kindness and an outpouring of her heart of gold.

Or my beautiful sister dancing and singing her heart out beside me at the July Strokes concert looking effortlessly gorgeous in an H and M Strokes band tee and ripped denim shorts, and a simple pink sundress for the ride home, driving trough DC Beltway traffic like she did it everyday(?!), as gracefully as Audrey Hepburn. 

And also an amazing wife, mother, daughter,  sister, friend, teacher- all the things-

who is passing along the absolute sunshine of her who she is, to my amazing three nephews and my beautiful little niece-

Because of her, they are the pure sunshine of my life. 

Or my eternally youthful and beautiful mom, with her never-ending procession of the  “teacher tee”, that to this very day, creates important and crucial conversations focusing on the special needs children that she has championed, served, and given voice to, for the better part of 40 years.

My mom then and now, looked and looks like folk singer Joan Baez, and she has the exact same fierce passion for fighting for what is right, and for finding and remaining true to yourself.

My mom could never afford to give me Ralph Lauren polos (but really, would I have worn them anyway?!), but she gave me something infinitely more valuable. She gave her unconditional love, and a real sense of who I truly was, beyond the labels. And of who I could become when I remained true to my own values and my own heart. 

While I was pretending to be a pop star, my mom was a star in real life.

Because she has always known that it’s not the clothes that make the woman.

It’s ALWAYS the woman who makes the clothes.

Only [girls] that save their pennies make my rainy day.

From August 1-7, I am calling on all who read this piece to participate in a worldwide social media blackout- no posting, no “doom”-scrolling. We need to change the algorithm. And live our lives on the runway called the green grass.

I will be returning to IG on the 8th to give you a unique glimpse into Saratoga style;

and then in this space again in the fall, when we will be bombarded by the annual autumn siren call to “re-invent” ourselves.  

I hope to be a voice to help you to do the opposite. And instead to give you the blueprint to rediscover, or to uncover- maybe for the first time ever- your true voice, in fashion and beyond.

*************************************************************************

See you in IG stories August 8th, and back at The Bespoke Rose in September!

And Thank You Jenn, Toria and Mom;

Because of you 3 beautiful and un-inimitable ladies, I think that I’ve cracked the code.

Wishing you all a beautiful August ahead,

The world is your runway to rule.

*"Material Girl", lyrics by Peter Brown and Robert Rains, performed by Madonna, 1984.